To tell or not to tell, that is the question...

So, karmacomedian's comments on my first post have prompted this follow-up post. I am not sure how he found the blog, because he didn't get the link from me. Karmacomedian is family even if we don't technically share blood, so it doesn't bother me at all to have him reading this. And hey, he was the first person to make a comment! However...

It seems to me that almost every pregnant couple/family struggles over who to tell and when. From my cursory research, people really stress out about this and a lot has been written about it. I don't mind friends knowing, or friends of the family knowing. I know it is still early on, but if anything were to happen, I'd want you all there to lean on while I was grieving anyway. And it's fun to have you all to lean on now while I am still figuring this whole thing out.

The problem, as it is in so many ways, is work. Do you tell right away? Do you wait? I think it all depends on what kind of workplace you are in. I am definitely not at my peak of productivity lately. I have a suspicion that I am not going to get back to my pre-2009 levels of productivity for four or five years. I am in the process of learning to accept that, and the other limitations that this little person is even already putting on me (and she's only around the size of a blueberry!). So it's tempting to tell everyone, get sympathy, and hide behind the pregnancy.

Unfortunately, that's not the kind of workplace that I have. For one thing, all but one manager at my work is a man. In a sense, this is advantageous, because I imagine they would be slightly clueless about the whole thing, having never been through it themselves. On the other hand, there may be a tendency among some to equate pregnancy with temporary incompetence, no matter how good your work has always been and continues to be (it's still good work, it's just done a little slower).

If there's one thing I hate, it's being treated like I'm incompetent when it's something I am good at (and pretty much even if it's something I'm not good at). So, my solution: tell one person at work who I am relatively close to so she can help me think of a cover if I end up having to yak in the wastebasket (thankfully, hasn't happened yet) or passing out (has happened but only at home so far). Tell two people who are very trustworthy and both work from home. I get to have conversations with them over email but can't be overheard talking about it, and they are both people who are very kind, considerate, patient, and helpful. And then wait to tell everyone else until they start wondering aloud what happened to me, which in my office, they will. Weight is a constant conversation at my work-- who's losing, who's already skinny, etc. etc. Someone will inevitably make a comment about me getting out of shape. But until then, the secret is safe on the internet (I hope!).