I just had to update last night's post immediately. I was just skimming CNN.com, and right on the front page (albeit below the cyber-fold) is an article from Parenting.com (among other articles apparently from CNN partners). The title: 12 Pregnancy Must Haves. This really got me interested, given that I spent time last night writing about how unnecessary most of the supposed "must-haves" are. So I click on it. Pregnancy Must Have #1? A 12-Pack of Kraft Macaroni & Cheese Deluxe Dinner. So convenient, you can even order right from the Parenting.com website! Way to promote good pregnancy nutrition, folks! Just what the baby needs. I can see fulfilling a craving now and again, and when I felt pretty nauseous last Sunday and needed to eat something bland for lunch I have to admit I made a box of Whole Grain Mac & Cheese, but a 12-pack of the dinner size?
Other wonderful recommendations: a 2-lb bag of dum-dum lollipops (they help with nausea, apparently), a $30 organic skin cream for stretch marks (Palmer's cocoa butter is what, like $8 at CVS? And has been working for women since its inception), and a box of 36 King Size Hersheys Milk Chocolate bars because chocolate "is a great pick me up!". So is cocaine, I hear, why don't they just recommend that too?
The belly band and the body pillow both make an appearance, and dental floss as well, which I guess you will need more of if you are indulging in Mac & Cheese, Dum Dums, & Hershey Bars on a regular basis (really though, because of hormone irregularities, pregnant women are at higher risk of gingivitis and need to have good oral hygiene). These are more benign suggestions. But I really hope not too many women take articles like these as license to do things that might be harmful to themselves in the long run or just cost them a lot of money they don't need to spend.
Always looking at the health standpoint, can't help it.
2.12.2009
2.11.2009
Women must be suckers
Part of the beginning of this journey has been a search for information. I've been looking for books, pregnancy fitness DVDs, classes, guidance from insurance company, where to go for maternity clothes when the time comes, what kind of diapers to use... It's an awful lot of decisions to make with very little to make them on but instinct, recommendations, and advertising. So, I do what everyone does, and I google things. I (window) shop on-line. I scroll through page after page of products on Amazon.
I have read all about having an environmentally-friendly pregnancy and child, about "reducing my chemical load" (stop using bleach), I subscribe to BabyCenter updates so I know how big the baby is (about the size of a kidney bean this week), and have purchased 3 DVDs and 2 books about pregnancy fitness. We are signing up for Bradley Method classes starting at the end of May-- sign up now or the class will fill up! I also started a list for myself in Amazon of all the things I might consider buying for the pregnancy and later, for the baby.
At my first prenatal appointment, I asked the midwife if she could recommend a good book for me to read about pregnancy and childbirth. She said no. There was not a single book she thinks is decent. She says they are all designed to frighten pregnant women. She is probably right. I will probably still pick up a book or two, maybe a hand-me-down from someone who has been pregnant recently or something from a used bookstore. But I'm not likely to buy the 13 books I originally put on my Amazon list.
The point of this blog, and the reason why women must be suckers, is that once you get pregnant and start looking into the world of pregnancy and maternity, you find that it is such an industry that feeds off of a woman's (very vulnerable) emotions, the enormity of the event, the desire to be a great mother from the start. It's just like weddings, the other major event for which retailers prey on women. At first, you are in such a panic that it is difficult to figure out what you do & don't need, what you are supposed to do and not do, it is easy to succumb to the pressures of advertising of things that are going to make you and your baby healthier, more comfortable, and happier-- things that will may you perfect.
After a few weeks, though, the nerves have died down. I've stopped obsessively shopping online during work (shh- don't tell) and at home, and I haven't added anything to my Amazon list lately. There are a few things I know I'll need, and I plan to look into those as best as I can. But the rest of it, I am going to put my blinders on and try to ignore it.
There are a couple of question marks for me though with these products. Maybe you can help. I'm not sure if these are actually useful, if they are gimmicks, or if they just depend on the person.
1. A "body band"-- this is supposed to help you hold off longer on getting maternity clothes. The idea is that you don't have to button or zipper your pants. You hold them up with this band and it makes them look smooth under your shirt and you can't tell that they're unbuttoned. Some people swear by this, others think it's stupid. The jury's out.
2. A body pillow-- The current recommendation is that after 14 weeks, you sleep only on your left side. Yeah, right. This pillow is supposed to support your fat belly and help you not roll over onto your back or your right side. While I think that the sleeping on the left side is pretty much bunk, I have slept with a pillow between my knees since high school because it alleviates pressure off your lower back. So this body pillow might be a permanent thing, not just a pregnancy thing. (My midwife's excellent take on the sleeping position issue: "If all it took to end a pregnancy was sleeping on your back, we wouldn't have the abortion rate in this country that we have.")
So, thoughts, suggestions, recommendations for things that no pregnant woman can do without? Stories from the previously pregnant or people who know someone who was pregnant?
I have read all about having an environmentally-friendly pregnancy and child, about "reducing my chemical load" (stop using bleach), I subscribe to BabyCenter updates so I know how big the baby is (about the size of a kidney bean this week), and have purchased 3 DVDs and 2 books about pregnancy fitness. We are signing up for Bradley Method classes starting at the end of May-- sign up now or the class will fill up! I also started a list for myself in Amazon of all the things I might consider buying for the pregnancy and later, for the baby.
At my first prenatal appointment, I asked the midwife if she could recommend a good book for me to read about pregnancy and childbirth. She said no. There was not a single book she thinks is decent. She says they are all designed to frighten pregnant women. She is probably right. I will probably still pick up a book or two, maybe a hand-me-down from someone who has been pregnant recently or something from a used bookstore. But I'm not likely to buy the 13 books I originally put on my Amazon list.
The point of this blog, and the reason why women must be suckers, is that once you get pregnant and start looking into the world of pregnancy and maternity, you find that it is such an industry that feeds off of a woman's (very vulnerable) emotions, the enormity of the event, the desire to be a great mother from the start. It's just like weddings, the other major event for which retailers prey on women. At first, you are in such a panic that it is difficult to figure out what you do & don't need, what you are supposed to do and not do, it is easy to succumb to the pressures of advertising of things that are going to make you and your baby healthier, more comfortable, and happier-- things that will may you perfect.
After a few weeks, though, the nerves have died down. I've stopped obsessively shopping online during work (shh- don't tell) and at home, and I haven't added anything to my Amazon list lately. There are a few things I know I'll need, and I plan to look into those as best as I can. But the rest of it, I am going to put my blinders on and try to ignore it.
There are a couple of question marks for me though with these products. Maybe you can help. I'm not sure if these are actually useful, if they are gimmicks, or if they just depend on the person.
1. A "body band"-- this is supposed to help you hold off longer on getting maternity clothes. The idea is that you don't have to button or zipper your pants. You hold them up with this band and it makes them look smooth under your shirt and you can't tell that they're unbuttoned. Some people swear by this, others think it's stupid. The jury's out.
2. A body pillow-- The current recommendation is that after 14 weeks, you sleep only on your left side. Yeah, right. This pillow is supposed to support your fat belly and help you not roll over onto your back or your right side. While I think that the sleeping on the left side is pretty much bunk, I have slept with a pillow between my knees since high school because it alleviates pressure off your lower back. So this body pillow might be a permanent thing, not just a pregnancy thing. (My midwife's excellent take on the sleeping position issue: "If all it took to end a pregnancy was sleeping on your back, we wouldn't have the abortion rate in this country that we have.")
So, thoughts, suggestions, recommendations for things that no pregnant woman can do without? Stories from the previously pregnant or people who know someone who was pregnant?
2.09.2009
To tell or not to tell, that is the question...
So, karmacomedian's comments on my first post have prompted this follow-up post. I am not sure how he found the blog, because he didn't get the link from me. Karmacomedian is family even if we don't technically share blood, so it doesn't bother me at all to have him reading this. And hey, he was the first person to make a comment! However...
It seems to me that almost every pregnant couple/family struggles over who to tell and when. From my cursory research, people really stress out about this and a lot has been written about it. I don't mind friends knowing, or friends of the family knowing. I know it is still early on, but if anything were to happen, I'd want you all there to lean on while I was grieving anyway. And it's fun to have you all to lean on now while I am still figuring this whole thing out.
The problem, as it is in so many ways, is work. Do you tell right away? Do you wait? I think it all depends on what kind of workplace you are in. I am definitely not at my peak of productivity lately. I have a suspicion that I am not going to get back to my pre-2009 levels of productivity for four or five years. I am in the process of learning to accept that, and the other limitations that this little person is even already putting on me (and she's only around the size of a blueberry!). So it's tempting to tell everyone, get sympathy, and hide behind the pregnancy.
Unfortunately, that's not the kind of workplace that I have. For one thing, all but one manager at my work is a man. In a sense, this is advantageous, because I imagine they would be slightly clueless about the whole thing, having never been through it themselves. On the other hand, there may be a tendency among some to equate pregnancy with temporary incompetence, no matter how good your work has always been and continues to be (it's still good work, it's just done a little slower).
If there's one thing I hate, it's being treated like I'm incompetent when it's something I am good at (and pretty much even if it's something I'm not good at). So, my solution: tell one person at work who I am relatively close to so she can help me think of a cover if I end up having to yak in the wastebasket (thankfully, hasn't happened yet) or passing out (has happened but only at home so far). Tell two people who are very trustworthy and both work from home. I get to have conversations with them over email but can't be overheard talking about it, and they are both people who are very kind, considerate, patient, and helpful. And then wait to tell everyone else until they start wondering aloud what happened to me, which in my office, they will. Weight is a constant conversation at my work-- who's losing, who's already skinny, etc. etc. Someone will inevitably make a comment about me getting out of shape. But until then, the secret is safe on the internet (I hope!).
It seems to me that almost every pregnant couple/family struggles over who to tell and when. From my cursory research, people really stress out about this and a lot has been written about it. I don't mind friends knowing, or friends of the family knowing. I know it is still early on, but if anything were to happen, I'd want you all there to lean on while I was grieving anyway. And it's fun to have you all to lean on now while I am still figuring this whole thing out.
The problem, as it is in so many ways, is work. Do you tell right away? Do you wait? I think it all depends on what kind of workplace you are in. I am definitely not at my peak of productivity lately. I have a suspicion that I am not going to get back to my pre-2009 levels of productivity for four or five years. I am in the process of learning to accept that, and the other limitations that this little person is even already putting on me (and she's only around the size of a blueberry!). So it's tempting to tell everyone, get sympathy, and hide behind the pregnancy.
Unfortunately, that's not the kind of workplace that I have. For one thing, all but one manager at my work is a man. In a sense, this is advantageous, because I imagine they would be slightly clueless about the whole thing, having never been through it themselves. On the other hand, there may be a tendency among some to equate pregnancy with temporary incompetence, no matter how good your work has always been and continues to be (it's still good work, it's just done a little slower).
If there's one thing I hate, it's being treated like I'm incompetent when it's something I am good at (and pretty much even if it's something I'm not good at). So, my solution: tell one person at work who I am relatively close to so she can help me think of a cover if I end up having to yak in the wastebasket (thankfully, hasn't happened yet) or passing out (has happened but only at home so far). Tell two people who are very trustworthy and both work from home. I get to have conversations with them over email but can't be overheard talking about it, and they are both people who are very kind, considerate, patient, and helpful. And then wait to tell everyone else until they start wondering aloud what happened to me, which in my office, they will. Weight is a constant conversation at my work-- who's losing, who's already skinny, etc. etc. Someone will inevitably make a comment about me getting out of shape. But until then, the secret is safe on the internet (I hope!).
2.04.2009
Insomnia and other "symptoms"
I love how they call them "symptoms" of pregnancy, as if it were an illness or disease. Just another reminder that the medical field has been dominated & defined by men.
But in any case, the signs of pregnancy hit apparently before I even knew I was pregnant-- that's why my friend made me take the test. I took the nap of all naps. She called me in the middle and I never heard the phone. I ALWAYS hear the phone, even if I ignore it. This time, I honestly never even heard it.
Once I knew I was pregnant, a few weird things I had been experiencing made more sense, most of all the fatigue. But the signs didn't become really pronounced until last week. I have been fortunate so far to follow in my mother's footsteps and avoid the so-called "morning sickness", which plagued everyone I know all day long. Dizziness has been my real problem so far. I have to be very careful whenever I stand up and I usually get a headrush. Food has been ok but a little weird. At first, I wanted to eat fish all the time; every day I wanted fish for lunch, fish for dinner. Maybe I had a mercury deficiency. The first week after we found out, we were doing a sort-of "cleansing" where we were eating only whole grains, no wheat, lots of green leafys and other veg, and only chicken breast or fish. I felt great when we were doing that. Then we went back to eating regular and I have been craving cold food (salads and hummus and such), which is not typical for me. Over the past three days, the smell of any kind of meat cooking-- chicken, fish, or steak-- makes me feel gross and I can barely choke it down. I'm going to have to start just eating salad all the time. Rabbit food. Yum.
The other big problem has been insomnia but I am not sure if that is actually a physiological change because of the pregnancy or just anxiety. :) I didn't sleep for the first three days after we found out. Since then I mostly sleep but wake up three or four times a night and have crazy dreams. I've had insomnia a couple of other isolated nights since that first week, but I've also slept for 10 or 11 hours straight other nights. It's pretty inconsistent.
VH has been fantastic so far-- doing laundry without me asking (which can be a mixed blessing but is much appreciated), cooking dinner every night which I then only pick at, coming over and helping me up when I stand up and then just sit down on the floor to avoid falling over from the headrush. I just hope he doesn't get tired of it too soon! This is the best part so far!
Also, some pictures at 5 weeks. They're really unattractive, but whatever. I don't think there's much to see yet except how out-of-shape I started. But when I eventually look pregnant, I think it will be fun to look back at how I was at the beginning. For easy reference, I am at 7 weeks as of today. More pictures next week.
2.01.2009
Shock and awe
I know "shock and awe" is usually reserved for bad things like war. But it is really the best way to describe how I felt after that little line appeared on the pregnancy test-- both of them. I remember last year when a really close friend of mine told me she was pregnant. I was thrilled, ecstatic for her. She was obviously happy but looked-- uncomfortable. I never understood that (and of course, never outright told her until recently). Now, I totally get it. My husband (to be known from here forward as VH) and I were actually at her house when we found out. She administered my first pregnancy test, since she had some laying around from the clinic she works at. She and her husband were incredibly excited. VH and I were both, well, stunned. We called our parents. The best I could do with my mom, the first to find out (of course), was "I think I might be pregnant. Or at least, that's what the test says." I wasn't joking. That was really how it felt.
It wasn't like we hadn't planned for this. We've been together for 8 years. We had decided, consciously, that we were ready a few months ago. We had always known that we wanted children and were very open about it. We had been taking steps to be stable in our lives-- resist the temptation to switch jobs, looking to buy a house finally (see future posts on that). But there are just so many questions running through my mind, not knowing what to expect. The first few nights, I hardly slept at all. Now I am sleeping but waking up a lot and having weird dreams. What will I do about maternity leave? I don't get any paid time off for maternity through work, and no short-term disability. How will we pay for childcare? Will I be able to find an OB practice that I like?
All of these things will fall into place, I know. Since the beginning of time, women have been having happy, healthy babies. I'm not the first nor will I be the last. My life changed entirely on January 18th. And will change even more on or around September 24th. I just can't believe it's finally happening for me!
It wasn't like we hadn't planned for this. We've been together for 8 years. We had decided, consciously, that we were ready a few months ago. We had always known that we wanted children and were very open about it. We had been taking steps to be stable in our lives-- resist the temptation to switch jobs, looking to buy a house finally (see future posts on that). But there are just so many questions running through my mind, not knowing what to expect. The first few nights, I hardly slept at all. Now I am sleeping but waking up a lot and having weird dreams. What will I do about maternity leave? I don't get any paid time off for maternity through work, and no short-term disability. How will we pay for childcare? Will I be able to find an OB practice that I like?
All of these things will fall into place, I know. Since the beginning of time, women have been having happy, healthy babies. I'm not the first nor will I be the last. My life changed entirely on January 18th. And will change even more on or around September 24th. I just can't believe it's finally happening for me!
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